Almost all of us have had to deal with a boss whose own management style and set of management skills left something to be desired. Managing up — as it is called — is relatively easy when one’s boss has a skill set, style, and personality similar to our own. But how to manage up when our boss has a style, set of habits, or chronic lack of sound judgment that inhibits and complicates our ability to do our jobs?
In this series of articles under the category “MANAGING POOR MANAGERS”, I will share what hard-won experience has taught me about coping with the less than ideal boss. Begin by asking “does it really matter”? Does this act of bad management seriously affect my ability to do my job, or hinder the performance of my organization as a whole? If it does, then you should act to confront the issue as best you can. If it does not really matter in any significant way, then save your powder for the engagements that really do.
THE BOSS WHO PLAYS FAVORITES
This form of bad management is a perception. A manager does certain things — behaves in certain ways — and we choose to label that behavior “PLAYING FAVORITES”. This is not to say that our perception isn’t correct but we should not be surprised if that is not the way the boss sees — or might explain — their behavior.
Only the worst sort of manager willfully and blatantly plays favorites. It is such a disrespectful display of disregard for the less favorite, that most managers will believe they have a perfectly reasonable and logical explanation for the behavior others may see as “favoritism”.
Nevertheless, because of the potential consequences of “favoritism” on a work unit and because one’s perception usually become one’s reality, we may need to confront the issue directly. My advice is contained in The FOUR DOs.
1. Avoid confusing your perception with absolute fact. Never directly accuse the boss, or pretend that you can read their mind and intentions. Accusations beg for strong defensive responses, fueled by strong emotion; not the best way to begin a constructive conversation.
2. Describe the behavior you have observed — the behavior you believe reflects favoritism — and provide specific examples. However the boss may see these behaviors, well-chosen examples will be hard for them to deny. Sticking to behavioral examples, provides an opportunity for the boss to look at things from an alternative perspective and consider how others might interpret their actions.
3. Accompany your behavioral examples with descriptions of their impact on others whenever possible. For example:
- “At meetings I’ve noticed you tend to engage only the more senior people in conversation. Have you noticed how all the rest of us just seem to check out emotionally and mentally”?
- “I’ve noticed you demonstrate considerable enthusiasm for the ideas surfaced by the men or women in our group but offer little affirmation when the opposite gender speaks up. I believe you are missing out on a lot of good ideas and alternative ways of looking at things”.
- “It’s my perception that the plum assignments seem to go to the same few people. I believe this is preventing many of us from gaining the experience we need to grow and progress”.
Coupling observable consequence with behavior makes the case for your perception of potential favoritism that much stronger.
4. Ask specifically for what you want; the next plum assignment, more attention at meetings, more mentoring and coaching from the boss. Nothing ventured, nothing gained if you have a legitimate request.
Like all conversations with a boss about a bad management practice, successful outcomes are never certain. But bad management practices never challenged will continue unabated in most instances.
UPDATED April 2026
Categories: Exercising Responsibility, Self-Management
What Best Mnagers Know & Do 
Very good article but drop the sexist remark at the beginning, “save your powder”. That kind of statement went out in the ’80’s.
Sharon….I do not consider the phrase sexist per se but indeed it is a bit old fashioned. I will change it. I appreciate your perspective.